Thursday 8 December 2022

Crime amongst the trees.

A few days ago , a small fledgling fell off a tree . There are large leafy trees on the property , with leafy canopies . Inside them reside many a birds' nest . They are commonly not visible from our ground level vision . 

So , there was this fledgling , thrashing its wings , turning its tiny body , this way and that , being tossed about by fate's  cruel hand , gasping and trying to survive in a world of indifference and  helplessness .

I was attracted by the commotion of the birds . 

What was surprising is that the birds , cawing , shrieking and screeching around this helpless little baby comprised of at least five different species . 

I counted seven raucous babblers , two stoically silent mynahs , three spotted doves , silent and commiserating , one very distressed and flapping treepie , one magpie robin , who took off shortly , saying to itself " its none of my business" .

I realised it was a neighbourhood . Much like the humans , they all , regardless of their colours and ethnicities , had gathered together , clucking their solidarity in this time of grief . It was in all probabilities , the handiwork of a wily cat , who , when waylaid with such noisy protest , dropped its prized catch and rushed off to hide somewhere .  Of course , it must have arrived later to claim its victim , as the fledgling , quietly , and neatly , disappeared after a few hours , without nary a trace .

The baby was grey , fluffy , large and ungainly . It could have been a baby babbler , or a baby myna , for it had tiny yellow feet . 

As I retreated t my newspaper , I saw a large kite hovering in the sky .

It could have been the handiwork of a bird of prey . Why not ? A clumsy moment and it dropped its morsel.


Wednesday 2 November 2022

Shinrin-yoku

(Shinrin yoku  is  a japanese term meaning bathing in the forest or  absorbing the nature or just spending time in the forest . )

I have a home surrounded by tall trees . 

We live in a jungle , practically . Far from malls , highways and food deliveries at your doorstep . However , Amazon delivers to this place . Amazon to here . One jungle to another .

 It is a pain most of the time . But there are upsides . Lot of them  . You open your windows and doors to a thick wall of greenery . The kitchen door opens to a vista of gnarled trunks , topped with a vast canopy of green . It shields you from the harsh sun , and receives most of the lashings of a wrathful tropical rain on its face . The green canopy also blots useful sun . So your lawn grass wont grow , neither will vegetables in your kitchen garden . 

The best part are the birds . Rose finches determined to build a nest in your window . The sharp guttural call of the treepie , awakens you each morning . Rest of the day , they are mostly silent , but fly from one tree to another , dazzling you with their plumage of white, black ,brown and gold . Then woodpeckers , with their red mohican plume , beating a tattoo on the tree trunks , finding  insect filled hollows . They fly out suddenly and swiftly , like a startled solitary roman legionnaire ., lost in the forests of Gaul .

Yellow and black golden oriole sings at roughly ten . A beautiful melody . Arrogantly short . If you are lucky you get to see it , when it darts out . Mostly , it stays hidden inside the foliage. Mocking you , testing your patience , sitting still , magically invisible to hopelessly inadequate human eyes .  Just like cuckoos . If you spot one , you are lucky . 

Then come mynahs , who , one imaginative author , had compared to marching gendarmes . With their yellow eye masks , and yellow booted feet , their sharp hoots and authoritarian marches . 

Then I hear sharp whistles , hoots and trills throughout the day , which I am a total loss to identify . You just cant see the birds . 


In short , you can look at birds and trees , and you could be lost in them . Yeah , it is working . At least for me .

I would love to die surrounded by tall trees . In the company of giants .  

Thursday 29 September 2022

Eleven

 "Eleven ?" Why eleven ?" 

"Why not ? Eleven is the perfect number . One and one . Perfect . " 

You could keep it at ten , you know . It is an even number , fully divisible , reasonable ."

"No . No reason . I don't want to do things your way . Don't want to keep it" reasonable ". Reason and logic don't have to do anything  with me ." 

"Ok, ok , fine . Have it your way . Just that the tea - break ends at 1030 . You are calling people back at 11. You could coincide this with the break time ."

"No. Not at break time . That is sacred time " 

"For what ? Catching up with the office gossip ? Or discuss the latest episode of Big Boss reality show ." 

"Don't roll your eyes in that patronising manner . I am a huge fan of Big Boss and all the reality shows ." 

"Give me a good reason why ?" 

"Why ? It shows humans clearly what they really are ." 

"And that is...?" 

"Dumb ." 

"So you intend to call a bunch of dumb people to tell them you are clever and they are not . So you are in charge and they should all be subservient sub humans , who will jump at your bidding ." 

"No , I am calling them to tell them that they needn't continue their dumb act . Instead of poring over their files and doing some boring computation , they can expect some brain stimulating , exciting , and intellect enriching exercise . " 

"How exactly do you propose to do that ?" 

"By audacious proposals . " 

"Ah , so , you are going to fire people ? " 

"Not all . Just few ." 

"Ok."

"It is called pruning . You must have heard about it from your gardener. More nutrition for the rest of the desirable parts of the plant ."

"Who decides which is the desirable and which is not ?" 

"I do. I am the judge , I am the jury. " Alice in wonderland , Lewis Carroll ."

"You are not making this any better . People will resent you . The company can do without all the bad blood and the drawn daggers .."

" Et tu brute ."

"What has Julius Caesar got to do with it ?" 

" You just stabbed me . Verbally ." 

"No, I didn't ." 

" I am letting you go . You and your dagger , both ." 

"I refuse to come at 11. You will have to send me the termination order at my desk ." 

"For insubordination and manipulation of orders . " 

"I hate you and your company ."

"Thank you . We have love of other "desirsable "peoples . you are free to go ." 


Sunday 25 September 2022

Days and nights

 Everyday promises 

A torrent rises 

sweeping dead leaves 

rising on tides 

vaporised bliss

leaves eddied leaves 

Heaps , regretful piles 

Neglected , rejected 


@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@


Last night I dreamt 

a vivid dream 

came to me across 

the seven seas of cosmos 

Sieved through 

parallel universe .

Pliant like dough

fluid images 

rushing past 

kaleidoscope 

churning 

past and present 

spitting out my future 

in the vast spittoon 

that looks like the moon 


@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

Some days 

are like 

an anchor chained 

to your ankle 

Determined 

pre-programmed 

to drag you along 

to dark unknown depths 

Some days 

fly on the wings 

of optimism 

to the moon 

and beyond 

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

My understanding 

of the universe 

is written with a 

poor pen 

scant ink 

of as much 

understanding I 

allow to seep through

the fabric of my soul 

confusion soaked

Saturday 24 September 2022

Platform number 3 and 5

 It was too early to be on the platform . The train wasn't supposed to come till 1700. I had to vacate the hotel room by 1230 . They needed to prep the room for the next occupants who were due to arrive at 1400. So , in famous sweltering noon heat of Tamil Nadu , I found myself staring at two railway lines on the farthest end of the platform of a station I had heard about , only a few days ago , surrounded by people who spoke a language I didn't know . 

Earlier , my daughter got into this University and I had come to drop her off. Like a good Indian mother , I made sure she was well supplied with everything that being in a room required . Beginning from the essentials , like mattress and pillows , to non essentials ( to my mind )  like doormats and perfumed kerchiefs , we were all set . She being an organised soul , had set up everything into her tiny hostel room , arranged her cupboard , made friends , checked out her neighbours , got all her paper work done . 

So , it was with a light heart , that I arrived at the station . I was told to go to the platform number five . It lay at the fag end of the station . Every railway station has parallel platforms alternating with lines for up and down trains , on its either end . So 1and 2 platform number lined the main station building . 5 and 6 lay beyond 3and 4 . Farther from the parent building and with fewer amenities . Lesser number of kiosks , very few vendors and a non existent roof . 

The sun beat down , relentlessly . 

The only positive thing was lot of bengali population on the platform . The dress, demeanour and the language . They stood out , reassuring me that I was on the right platform . But why were all of them early ? Did they all have to vacate their rooms like me ? 

Turns out , there was another train going to West Bengal . And it was about to arrive  shortly. Only it didn't touch Kolkata. It steered clear of the southern part and chugged its way up north bengal through the leafy jungles of Bankura and Purulia . 

The numbers on the platform swelled . Amazingly , there were numerous post operative patients . I saw lumbar , thoracic and cervical braces . Also casts and wheelchairs . I was witnessing mass exodus of patients returning from a hospital . Elderly and young . Fatigued and weary . Caregivers and relatives too , 

I had sheltered myself next to a small kiosk selling chai and biscuits . These also serve as a ready reckoner for train arrival and departure timings , exact position of bogies and more . Provided you know the language . If not , you have to learn to decipher nods , smiles , and other facial expressions . There was a concrete bench , quarter of which was in the  shade. This is where I sat , sipping my bisleri .

 A group of three arrived , looking for shade . An elderly gentleman in dhoti , an emaciated woman carrying a large bag , and a young man  wearing pants ,carrying nothing .The elderly gentleman and the lady seemed to be the parents and the young man the son , who had accompanied them , to Vellore for treatment . The father wore a crisp white dhoti , with a massive dark blue lumbo thoracic cervical belt . It gave him the air of a powerful , unbending ( literally ) patriarch . When asked to sit next to me in the shade , he turned half of his body towards me , gave me a disdainful look , and declared " Me ? pshaw ! I don't need to sit " . The poor mother who had just put her massive load down , in a hope to rest for a while , quickly picked up her bag , heaved it in her head and wiping her face with her pallu ran to keep up with the father and son . 

"Kaku !" A youthful voice called the shopkeeper in the kiosk . Kaku is a term meant for uncle , in chaste bengali . I wondered if it meant something else in Tamil . The tamil shopkeeper poked his head out , and asked what ,with a toss of his head . 

"Eta koto ?" ( how much for this ?) Asked a 12 year old girl in a frock and silver anklets . 

"Tera " The shopkeeper meant 13 , but it could have meant, yours , in Hindi . Yours to keep . 

"Taero!" The girl shouted to her parents , sitting a yard away , in the shade of some other kiosk . 

"Nebo ?" asking permission to buy . Then happily telling the kaku "Diye dao ". ( I will take one ) 

It was amazing . One of the many miracles that fate sprinkles by the road side , waiting for us to catch a glint of . I had never before seen a transaction in chaste Bengali being conducted in Tamil land . 


Another group of two arrived . An elderly lady , bent at the hip , clad in a white printed saree . Like most bengali old ladies , she was a chatterbox . The moment she sat , she started off . 

"Where are you going to ? Which college did you say your child was in ? I came to CMC for treatment ..." 

In a span of ten minutes , that she sat next to me , she had told me most of her life's stories and troubles . 

She lost her husband when she was pregnant with this boy ( now standing in the sun holding three bags and looking very hassled and old ) . She has five daughters in addition to him . That they are all grown up , married and happy . One of her grandsons just secured a job in Bangalore , and she was treated to a trip to Varanasi by him . She has visited all the main Hindu pilgrimage sites that are there. She has bleeding from her "amasha " , which is a euphemism for both large intestine and uterus . That she had come to CMC Vellore for her treatment . That her own brother has filed a  lawsuit against her , for land and property inheritance . And her" deor "(husband's younger brother ) is a really sweet person who has given her a home to live in , after the death of her husband . 

After this , she took a break , rubbed some tobacco in her left palm with her right thumb , which she magically produced from one of her secret pouches . 

"You know what touched me most here ?" She was reflectively chewing tobacco . 

Not waiting for my reply , she said " All the boys rushing down to touch my feet and carrying my luggage to the auto when I was leaving . " 

" The boys in the rest house I was staying at ." 

I nodded . The son came with a cold bottle of frooti, perspiring . She shook her head , " You drink first ." 

As he opened the bottle , she complained to me , loudly " You know , my son here , doesn't want to get married . " Her son gave me that "Oh -no -not-again " Kind of look . Then he turned away and tipped the bottle , drinking noisily . 

"He wants to look after me . Maybe he will marry when I am gone . Who knows ? But it would be nice to have a daughter -in-law of my own ." She sighed wistfully . Then quickly recovered , went and  spat her tobacco , took the bottle from her son , drank the rest of the frooti and quickly shoved the bottle into the various lumpy folds of her saree. Grinning a  smile revealing tobacco stained crooked incisors , she whispered " We will meet soon ." (aabar dekha hobe ) and disappeared behind her son striding purposefully away looking for next bit of shade in the harsh sun.

Bleeding from either intestines or uterus at her age was bad news . She said she was eighty. She hadn't undergone any surgery either . I wondered how much time she had left. She seemed to be content though . Having finished with most of life's obligations .....


The train arrived . You realise that the arrival is imminent , because there are more people craning their necks in that direction . The hub bub slows down and people move respectfully away from the edge of the platform . 

Most of the carriages were near empty . In preparation of a near platform full of humans. Within a matter of few minutes , everyone and their luggage had remarkably settled in . Adventurous ones wandered around , refilling bottles and cramming their already full bags with chips , biscuit packets . It was along way back home . Precisely , 28 -30 hours of back breaking journey .

Finally , the train chugged off . Few people stayed back . Native tamils , saying goodbyes . The Bengalis had been swept clean . Not one in sight . It was two hours to my train's arrival . 

I panicked . In a strange town , to catch a train home , people arrive early on the station . Where are the guys boarding my train ? 

The kiosk owner cleared his throat when I presented my question to him in a mixture of english and sign language . More sign , less words . His hands were clutching  a large polythene bag full of namkeen  satchets. 

He took his time , keeping it inside some dark unseen cupboard . Then he dealt with another customer , in fluent Tamil . I get that a lot . Gives me time to reflect on human nature , patience , universe , and dealings of fate . In other words , I have already waded across a sludge filled nullah of bad thoughts, in my mind  , before the person thus addressed , returns back with an answer . 

He was chewing something . Diving below the counter to pull something from his cupboards , He held three fingers up in the sky . Not looking at me of course . I , imbecile-ly , repeated my query . 

This time , he surfaced back up . Chewing  , he regarded me with the same look people reserve for retards and beggars. Half pity-half disgust , rolled up in patience , deep fried in oil of holier-than-thou . Then he leaned outward , aimed his mouth at the broken lid of the large municipal dustbin , and spat . His gob landed in the bin . Perfect . Smug with his flawless performance , he turned to me . 

"Platform numer 3" He repeated , clearly , no ambiguity . Holding three stubby fingers skywards , again .

"My train ?" I was incredulous .

"Your train." He nodded , emphatically , stabbing the air in front of my face with his fore finger . 

From  where I sat , you could see the goings on on the platform number three . You just had to turn your back . 

Sheesh , the platform was seething with bengalis . It had more shade , more kiosks , more people . Sarees , printed and white . Cotton . Red and white bangles . Shankha and pola . Tell tale chattering. One occasionally , well tied dhoti . And one odd beret . Brown or ash . When civilians wear beret in India , they are mostly  terminally anglophilic Bengali. 

I went up there , almost immediately . There was this bench , on which sat a pensive looking lady . Probably as old as me . Wearing a dark green saree , rubber slippers and a gold round showy locket at the end of a thickish gold chain around her neck . She also wore gold bangles and a thick gold ring with a square top , embedded with what looked like a ruby . 

Still, she was completely ordinary . Blending into the crowd . Tamilians love to flaunt gold and are honest to a fault . 

She spoke flawless and almost accent free english . Probably  forces background , schoolteacher . I was profiling like Holmes . But she was very helpful in deciphering the announcements in Tamil . About her and mine train arrivals . 

Apparently , hers was arriving on 5 and mine here on 3. She had been waiting on 3 for the last two hours and me on 5 .Touche . We had a good laugh over this . Then she heaved her large cloth bag and slowly limped ( varicose veins on the leg , another thing we both had in common ) , disappearing into the crowd . 

I found myself alone , once again , in a sea of blabbering humanity . 

After some time , another gentleman arrived . Sat next to me . Looking at me quizzically , trying to profile me . He was visibly relieved when I talked to him in Bengali. 

His sister had come with him , for surgery . He gave some vague details about her illness. Evasive , reluctant replies . He pointed to his sister , who had undergone hysterectomy , and was sitting with a group of saree clad women some three-four benches away . He was kind enough to tell me where exactly my coach would land . 

Finally , my train arrived , just two minutes late . I heaved my suitcase full of human effects and greed , on board . Turned to see Katpadi slowly inching away , entering greenery lined blue mountains , fields on both the sides , full of light green paddy fields . 





Wednesday 24 August 2022

Living in the forest , again

 It is with complete , merciless impunity 

that all your thick concrete immunity 

will be pierced , perforated  and infiltered 

Every day ,your abode invaded 


Ants will bore holes 

Into rusting iron poles 

Concrete walls and roofs 

There are no forest proofs 


Nature comes silently 

creeps in slealthily 

while you slept 

last rain soaked night 


A pink tree amphibian 

You'd never before  seen , 

Nor will  again ever possibly 

darts quite simply,  nimbly 


Up  slippery, sanitised  tiled walls 

Spray pesticides , keep moth balls 

Army of ants will

march on still 


Termites grow in snaky flocks 

on  limestone painted panels 

Varnished woodwork , 

chemical soaked flannels 


Fungal patches , musty odors  

penetrate 

Your precious uniforms /attires 

insensate 


You must remember 

who belongs here 

Not you but they 

snakes , rats , fungi 


You are trespassing 

into their homes 

chopping trees , spraying 

poisonous fumes 


They are just claiming 

what was theirs , drums beating 

marching , they are coming 

you just need a pair of ears 

to hear . 


Tuesday 23 August 2022

One Afternoon

" Come in . Come in ,"

The voice was welcoming . The eyes were not . The lips lied , probably. Clad in a nighty , with a towel thrown around the shoulder , to hide bra less boobs . This is the classic attire of every bengali housewife across the state . 

Dishevelled hair.  But a scrubbed face . Early morning bath . Puja room to the right let in wafts of burning incense and camphor and ghee . Right earnest puja room . Millions of gods and goddesses residing on millions of miniature brass thrones . swathed in gold lace bordered red plastic netting called chunaris . Their barely visible fraction of faces \ foreheads were smeared with greasy vermillion , every morning . I was asked to bow to this confused shrine of non visible , enthroned  deities . 

This was more of  a UP /Bihar thing .  Bengali housewives are not so fanatically religious . For them , oiling , washing the hair and pouring a lota ful of ganges water on the resident Tulasi plant is more than enough . This one exercise leads to two things . One , they roam around with their hairs  untied, long , dark , oily , all the day long . Futilely trying to dry it in the humid bengal air . Other , it gives them that faintly unctuous holier-than-thou air . 

So , then , back to my hostess . There is smell of stuffed karelas , frying in a battered saucepan , which looks as if it has been used as a weapon of serious nature , in recent past . The oil is spitting , crackling and hissing . On the other side is the provocative aroma of rice boiling , which sends salivary glands into overdrive in  half of the world . The eastern half I guess. 

She asks me what tea Ill have . 

"Black " 

" Why black ? I make good tea , with cardamoms and ginger . Boiled in milk no less. Mark you , milk from our grass fed , backyard buffalo . Whenever I go home , my father in law , used to ask for tea made by only me . No one else . He passed away , last December . He was soo fond of me . Always wanted food cooked by me ." 

Reminiscing , her eyes turn inwards and she is transported to a different place and time . Suddenly , she is brought to earth by a shriek , "Bichchoo "!! The maid has halted her act of smudging the floors with a moist muddy piece of cloth, and is frozen . One hand clutching her pleats at the groin . The other slapping her forehead . 

My hostess returns with a broom , pronto. "Where ? where ? "

"Here".

She points to a largish spider on the floor . I say "Spider " .

My hostess is confused , Watching one  face then the other .  The maid doesn't accept defeat so easily . 

"See, this is the sting , these are the pincers which it will use to grab and latch on ." The maid is basically pointing out its various legs . There is one thing I do in these situations . I quickly agree . It saves me the effort of trying to make  idiotic people see sense . It also shuts them up . Aah , blissful silence . Silence is precious , and should be bought at any price . 

The spider is killed and swept away . My hostess resumes her murder of the aforementioned silence .

"So  you will have tea ? " 

" No ? " 
"Black ?" I nod noiselessly ,

"Sugar ? No ? . I cant understand how people live without milk . " By people , she meant me , standing next to her hissing pans , but there was nothing I could do about . 

"My son , when he was here , was so fond of milk . Always had a glass of bournvita before his exams . And nothing else . Only milk ." She smiled wistfully .

Then quickly strained my tea and gave it to me . Before she would add lots of milk and sugar to it . She sent out two cups for the men sitting and smoking in the parking lot . Both were severely diabetic . No protest came back  . Probably , they too  , valued silence .

Cigarette smoke was forbidden in Jhumpa's kitchen . There could be only one smoke . The smoke from the agarbattis and the kitchen oil smoke . 

"So , when I got married and I came , these people , my in laws, knew only fish curry and rice . I brought these exotic dishes to this family . My brother buys one kilo of karela when I go home and wants me to make this dish and keep it in the fridge . He takes them for work . One karela with four rotis . That is his lunch ." 

I later learnt from my sister , that both these facts were untrue . Jhumpa , like most of us , learnt cooking at the hands of her very bengali mother in law . It was probably , she who taught her this dish too . The brother has many ailments , including cardiac , liver malfunctions . severely diabetic. Eats boiled unseasoned  stuff. Works from home . So , no tiffin , no fried karelas . 

"My father in law died holding my hands " That sounded too dramatic to be true . 

She saw the look on my face and said , "No , I mean it ." 

"He implored me never to sell his house . The house that he had built with all his savings of the life time . 

The very day he died , he (the husband , he -who -must-not -be-named ) and his sister sat down to discuss the going rates , and formalities of selling the house . I said no . Nothing doing . I was not letting an old man's soul haunt me , or taunt me . My sister in law hates me to this day because I wouldn't let the house be sold . She has unfollowed my daughter on instagram and unfriended me on the face book . She no longer calls us and asks me about my son . 

Did I tell you about my son ? This rascal did all the coaching he could for his two final years of high school and never appeared for NEET. He says he doesn't want to. He just slept off on the day of his exam . I started praying all the gods and goddesses , finally he agreed to do graduation in Biotechnology at SRM. Now he wants to go abroad . 

You know why I didn't let my husband sell our ancestral property . Because it is an asset . The day it is sold , my son will blow all that money on his crazy schemes and we will be left with nothing . 

Exactly , zero zilch . " 

Then she proceeded to pack away large quantities of stuffed karela, fish curry, pickles for my sister's family. 

Rain had stopped . So the construction workers offloaded  a wheelbarrow full of mixed concrete on the dirt floor . 

I felt heavy . Like the dirt road with oozing wet concrete on top.



 





Thursday 4 August 2022

Insomnia

 When the clock strikes two-ish 

you are awake , wide and feverish .

watching too many  tik tok videos , 

reading books , hearing audios


waiting for the shut eye , and bliss

your eyes it has given a miss 

Your heart is full of misgiving

Your partner is gently snoring 


What did you do so wrong 

Why is it taking so long 

why wont your worries go 

they come back in full flow 


Breathe in , breathe out ,

relax , eyes tightly shut ,

a dog howls n owls hoot

it smells of rain , without 


All the groans and creaks 

all the ghosts and freaks 

all the flaws and fears 

apprehensions and tears 


Life changing gear ,

it feels familiar 

the incessant sad rain 

heartache and pain 


It was here yesterday ,

and is still there today ,

insomnia is a constant 

stubborn, persistent 


Monday 1 August 2022

Summer

“Get up . Get up. ”
I knew my mom was already at it , because of the creaking of the doors , and clatter of the utensils and chatter among my grandma and my mom .
Tiffin was being made .
I could smell parathas roasting on the griddle .
Sleepily , you open your eyes . First day of the morning school . In the peak of summer , we had something , euphemistically called , summer school .
The school would start at the crack of the dawn . At 0630 hrs . First buses would trundle out at an unearthly hour of 0515 hrs , second trip at 0545 hrs and 0615 hrs you were supposed to wind up , bathed , fed and dressed , in the assembly hall . Your hopes and dreams crinkly crisp and smelling of soap and sunshine .
The school ended at 1300hrs or so . Hurriedly , all the kids were hustled into buses and sent home . In the scorching afternoon sun , “loo” , an infamous summer wind blew across the playgrounds and rattled closed windows . It was known to cause dehydration , heatstroke and worse .
This continued for whole of the month of May .
This was done to ensure that we stayed indoors in the latter half of the day .Read home .
Morning school also heralded the coming of summer vacations . Long afternoons naps , sweet mangoes and bel sherbet , a drink made from the wood apple . It also meant loads of homework and mornings grappling with algebraic equations .
Large quantities of raw mango would be pickled and laid on the roof to cure and ripen in its brine and oil and spice . Sweet pickle and aam papad (a dessicated preserve of mango pulp ) would attract hornets and sticky fingered sweet toothed kids .
Needless to say , these two items had short lives .


Thursday 23 June 2022

I write so I may breathe

 Many times I am asked 

By my daughters tasked 

To reply this query , trite 

Why do I write ? 


I do not publish 

No one reads this 

Then why 

Oh why ? 


On a winter day 

Clad in a wet towel 

I am hammering away

My consonants and vowels


Why I make it a point 

To put down in print 

If not for notoriety

Or posterity


I have no  adequate reasons

Like Earth has for changing seasons 

I have to jot  my thoughts down 

At the risk of appearing a clown 


For if  a thought is generated 

Around the cranium ricocheted 

It had better be expelled 

Like an apprentice rebelled 


In a wizard stronghold 

Before it has a choke hold 

On my life and heart 

Simply, I write so I may breathe 

To be put in one's place

 I thought I was 

Being generous


And offered 

Some fish head 


To my daily maid

Her reply made 


Me open my eyes 

Look at myself, scrutinize


" What is to be done ? 

With the fish head and bone? 


She asked me , pretending as if 

She has been fine dining all her life 


In that she made me feel small

As what I offered were scraps after all 


She and I both knew this

I tried to put her in place 


But eventually without crossing any line 

She had managed to put me in mine.




Tuesday 10 May 2022

Ahalya 2

 She stood facing the harsh sun

He was  doing the proclamation 

It was relentless summer 

She was still all a - shiver 


Her hair cascaded behind her 

Warm brown , her eyes of ochre 

Her skin was of honey colour 

They'd bound the hands together 


As if that was enough to contain 

Centuries of infamy and pain 

Baah . Man , ideas so totally vain 

Anyway, we state it  bare and plain 


As things stand . Fearless of fall 

Well , within the sight of all 

As was foretold , there rose a squall 

As if the wind and sun were in a brawl 


When all quietened 

Silence heightened

All were silenced 

Rather stunned 


She , who was brought to be stoned 

Had turned to stone , zoned 

Frozen. Her stare cold , jade 

Her hair in a stony brown cascade 


The trees took pity on her 

Growing a protective layer 

Of green and brown around her 

Twigs , vines , moss, bark and burr 


Grew in lush green plentitude all over 

Hiding her in their bosom , forever 

Stilling her fiery heart , soothing fever 

Resting her , nestling in arms greener 


Than anything she'd ever known 

The girl facing the sun 

On her face a question

In shape of a frozen frown 


The girl facing the sun 

With hair falling brown .




 















Friday 29 April 2022

Why I buy the things I do

I bought it because 

Number one excuse 

The shopkeeper 

In that hutment there 


Reminded me of a cousin 

Who I vividly remember

The chap did nothing 

The whole day, ever 


But he spoke kindly 

With his arms spindly 

His teeth with paan stain 

Sigh , don't try in vain 


To comprehend my reasons 

As to why I bought the mud 

Pot , meant to feed bird (s) 

It leaks . Even the chaps sons 


In confiding whispers, told  me so 

But he looked so much like dadu 

I can understand when it beats u 

How a man in dhoti cheats me , oh 


That another woman in a white saree 

Smiling in  all her toothless glee 

At my apparent gullibility 

When I let her give me , almost for free 


Two rotten gourds , which she lugged 

All the way from her stone age hut 

I felt my grandmother , as she hugged 

Me .Her breath of cloves and betel nut 


I can't begin to explain 

The smell of familiar pain 

Of my  village-y yesteryears , 

All scraped afresh , it appears 


Not sounding like Celine Dion 

But it's all returning ,coming 

Haunting me ,

Taunting me 


For I, who went farthest 

Climbing the hills highest 

Crossed rivers at their widest 

At heart, remained the closest.







Tuesday 26 April 2022

Cinderella

On mic someone brayed 

A music they played 

Then a little girl braved 

On stage she grooved 


Crooned a lovely ditty 

No one heard , what a pity 

Shoo they said to her , " Page ! 

"Get off the stage "


Let others sing and dance 

Adults who know how to prance 

Who pick up fights and the Lance 

Let them show you perchance 


Please learn the correct steps 

You won't get too many reps 

And the girl tried very hard   

In the end she  mastered 


She danced masterfully 

To adult steps specifically 

And lost her originality , fully 

" Oh ! She dances wonderfully!! " 


Everyone clapped

Rushing to photograph 

Take her autograph 

She had laughed 


And cried at the same time 

"I can't sign "  she said , "Me? 

" I have sold my soul , can't you see? "

And it's time for me , to flee ."


"To keep my word with Beelzebub 

She told the bumbling hub bub 

She ran with her gown in her hands 

Leaving her glass slippers in the sands





Just stand tall

 Shakily , I painted Prussian blue 

Instantly , I knew

 it was not the right hue 

Where to learn? From who? 


In the absence of tutors 

Teachers and mentors 

To read no memoirs 

I taught myself the colors 


I looked up the sky 

I saw the birds fly 

I stared at the leaves try 

To speak to me and cry 


Of their highs and lows

Of their hates and loves 

Whether  On or off 

Their parental bough 


There they were with all others 

Resplendent in million colours 

The blues , the greens , the ochres 

Verdant and lush , acres 


They taught me a lesson

That in nature was so common 

Whether you are big or small 

It's just important to stand tall 


That is about all 

That is it all 

Just stand tall 

Proud and tall .










Sunday 17 April 2022

Dance

 I never danced .

Ok , maybe in primary school , under the tutelage of strict nuns .
We danced to holy tunes , with lamps in our hands . Twisting and turning our young bodies , never letting the lamp fall.
Burning candles could have set our tulle skirts alight . So we were ultra careful . It was a beautiful dance . Dangerous and spectacular . Never before staged , in a small Jharkhand town . Their own girls , weaving such other worldly magic. It was a superhit . If there was stardom to be attained , there it was . We ruled the hearts and imaginations of an entire small town . What more to crave for ?

Tuesday 12 April 2022

Sunday Breakfast

 There was a long queue outside the dining hall . It was Sunday . Holiday . People with long tresses had washed their hairs , left it open , and the tied a perfunctory rubber band at the end , giving their hairs a funny tied down balloon look . This way they would dodge the rule police , which said ” no open hair at the dining table ” . 

There were church goers and movie show enthusiasts , who were grumbling for the slow making of dosas.
There was a large griddle in the mess , enough to make four dosas simultaneously . But the crepes were served hot . Off the griddle . They were crisp , paper thin , delicious and a weekly treat . No one wanted to miss . Hence the serpentine queues . Air redolent with the aroma of all the shampoos available in the CSD. Sunsilk , ponds, lux and tresemme . We were a walking ad for all these MNCs . And all the perfume brands , cheaply available in the local shop.
There was only one . Stella french parfum . These competed with the more appetising aromas of hot dosas and coconut chutney , asafoetida laden sambhar emanating from the kitchen . It was a battle of smells. 

Even the bus conductors could tell us apart . From the coconut oil in our hairs , our looks , and our odours . Clumps of feminine
giggliness . We would dissolve into laughter at the slightest and silliest provocation . So , that Sunday , despite delays , and rumbling tummies , and delays in church and movie halls , there was lot of laughter in the air . Good natured ribbing too . 

Then came the seniors . A breed apart . Licensed bullies . Having survived four years of this life , they were authorised to bully any junior into submission . Any junior they took a fancy to . Their noses in the air , they sallied in , and we parted , like the red sea . Giving them access to the first hottest dosa . First , precious , long awaited dosa . It was a moment of truth . A junior, confirmed movie fanatic , counted the number of seniors on her fingertips , made some quick mental calculation and softly let out a curse . Trying to be as inconspicuous as possible , she broke off the line , quietly slinking away .

It was not to be .

A booming voice arrested her progress . “Hey you ! What is for breakfast ?”


Who me ? Her bewildered look confirmed her worst fears. While she was being roasted here , outside the dining hall , in the movie hall , Shah Rukh Khan would have waltzed into Kajol's heart , without she witnessing the romance . Tears stung her eyes . Overwhelming hunger didnt help either . 


We all watched her being cornered in pitiful horror , thankful , like all cowardly humans , that it was she and not me . Being fodder for senior ire was not a pleasant way to begin the morning . 



Then began the interrogation .


"What is it ? Why are you crying man ? I just asked you what was for breakfast ? "

" Dosa , miss." She hiccuped .

"And ? "

"And sambar and chutney ." 

"Correct , and now you will have your breakfast with me ." 


And throwing a casual and highly suspicious arm around the crying girl's shoulder she was escorted into the dining hall, surrounded by fourth years , all speaking to her , at once .






Later in the evening , we would come to know , that the girl-who-cried  not only made it to the movie , she was also , unexpectedly , accompanied by this senior , who'd later take her under her wing , and turn her life around . Talk of unexpected series of events on a sunday morning .  





      &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&



Monday 11 April 2022

The end

 I met my dear friend , long time no see

Outside the door , waiting for me 

How'd you know I was coming out 

"I have been watching over and about" 


He said , vaguely.  " Come , he said " 

Authoritatively ,grabbed my hand 

No , I can't . Suspicious,  I recoiled .

My home. Can't leave. I pointed. 


Not anymore . He said kindly 

And I crossed the wall with ease 

Cutting through concrete in a breeze

Then it occurred to me" oh jeez " 


I must have been startled 

For he just squeezed my hand 

Nodded knowingly and kindly 

I followed him blindly 


We just looked at this massive mango tree 

And found ourselves sitting upon there 

It was so quick . Like a manifestation 

No sensation, sitting light as feather 


"So , this is how it all ends ?" 

I asked . He just nodded 

He was transparent . His ends 

And edges blurred. 


I looked at myself , in panic 

So was I. What unearthly magic. 

So, now what happens ? 

I asked him questions 


"Where does all the treasure go ? 

The history, the science, skills and info 

The grind , the thoughts , the vocab  

Ideas , memories , fantastic and fab "


It all goes to the cosmos

It was never yours 

" You're kidding, right? " 

You're not. I am right  


He spoke with quietitude 

I knew he spoke the truth 

Like seasoned teacher 

He didn't falter. Or dither.


My loved ones prayed 

Mourned and cried 

I too cried , silently , perched

On the tree . Searched 


For me , down there 

But I was up here 

Watching distractedly 

I didn't belong anywhere 


Didn't either exist . 

In the terms strict 






















Tuesday 5 April 2022

Day , night and daybreak

 Daytime it rained fire 

Flames from the skies 

The winds fan fare 

Cooled down the nares 

Somewhat . No ice either.


At night , the troubled heart 

Of the earth , searing heat 

Glowering , glowed red hot 

Bosom on fire, hairs singed 


Crackles of flame 

Tongues of fame 

Licked the skies dark black

Here, taste it right back


Your raging fire burns 

In my own bones 

Earth crackles , churns 

Heartless cackles 


Barks fly , spitting cinders 

Splitting timbers 

Sending shivers 

Mayhem , crazy , no binders 


By morning , the hearth 

Has cooled , 

Wounds healed 

 Nourishment cooked 


What tumultuous waste , Ash , debris 

What fantastic foliage , birds , hubris 

Sun shines brightly on the same land 

And earth, black ,smiles sleepy lidded 











Wednesday 16 March 2022

Loudspeaker / Indoctrination

 They placed the loudspeaker , strategically .

Right above the tea shop . On top of the building . Facing the bazaar .
Early mornings , when the dust was being swept from the front porch of every shop . The religious hymns began .
Like the swirl of dust , it rose from the ground , beaten off the ground by jogger’s shoes , rickshaw tyres and the tea wala’s chappals .
It slowly became an ominous , heavy , invisible cloud , invading conversations , jarring chain of thoughts , derailing the trains of ideas , and bleating , booming , banging into the collective psyche of the people .
Slowly , like a heavy cloud it settled on people’s brows , where it clouded judgement ;, it could be tasted on chapped lips , where it dictated the words and it got into everyone’s eyes, and coloured everyone’s views . 

Soon, when people , from other parts of the city came here , they were aghast to hear such dusty words . Forgotten hymns , long discarded ideas . If they began living here , they began speaking the same language . Older , archaic , ancient , long forgotten .

Friday 11 March 2022

Feast for a day

( Hibiscus , china rose , gudhal , adhul , joba phool )


One fine morning they bloom 
In multitudes , not alone 
Previous even they're buds
invisible , insignificant dots

Next morning , they are out 
red tongues hanging , spout 

Of red blood stamen 
Goddess kali, omen 
Of all things auspicious 
terrifyingly conspicuous 

They sit there , blobs of red 
Fleshy petals ,  sweetened 
Juicy fulfilling nectar ,
deep inside somewhere 

But the sunbirds know 
and the ants too 
and some sticky , blind 
insects , too don't mind 

The feast of a day and a night 
You keep to yourself , right 
and wrongs 
high end notions 

Spectacle  for a day 
Thats all the life , pray 
24 hours of colour 
mayhem and sugar 


Monday 28 February 2022

The three sisters

 Three sisters . We are three sisters . My eldest sister is older to me by seven years and my second sister is older to me by two years. Only the oldest was ever called didi, a respectful suffix . Meaning elder sister . The years between us just added to the spice . 


We had nick names for everyone. Including ourselves . We laughed at the silliest jokes , we still do ; and we had each others backs . In thick times and in thin , we were there for each other , and that is what made us click . Teen deviyan , or the three Goddesses ,  was the name of a popular movie . A bollywood hit during our growing up years was called Trimurti . 


We were rebellious in our own way . We got enrolled in courses , in colleges , away from home . The farther , the better . One of us crossed seas and wound up in University of Dublin , to do her doctorate . Other did her JRF( Junior Research Fellowship)  from the Indian Institute Of Technology  , a prestigious Institute in whole of India. Me , the youngest , became a captain in the Army , commissioned by non other than the President of India himself . Later , we would all fall prey to that disease of our generation . Wherein we sacrificed our careers to look after kids and families . But we had our moment under the sun . We all did . And we are proud of that .


What adventures we had . From running off to the cattle enclosure , unchaperoned , barefoot , to falling in love and marrying a person of our own choice . We all have been there, done that . We would write lilting poems in two languages  and read novels in a third language . We were expat bengalis . Having been brought up in Jharkhand , but being bengalis as per our roots , we had the best of both the worlds as we straddled two cultures , learnt english on the way , and worked our way through several dialects  . We laughed at the unctuousness of Sanskrit , the pretentiousness of English , the hilarity of bhojpuri , and the buffoonery of Hindi. We also laughed at the inability-to -laugh-at -oneself kind of self importance of bengali . Puffed up bhadraloks . 


We painted stunning paintings and cooked delicious food . We scaled peaks and travelled widely . We were all voracious readers . We were the incomparable three . 

Monday 21 February 2022

The keys

 The story began when the ladies club was to meet after a long , enforced hiatus due to Covid.

It came to everyone's notice that the keys to a certain cupboard was missing. The said cupboard held immeasurable joy in terms of tambola cards, tickets, decorative items and extra stationery.

I was told by my friend who was also my next door neighbour that I should get it " most probably" from the mess office. 

She , in a helpful gesture, called up the mess office to find out, before hand . She was told that three ma'ams used to send their orderlies to a boy called Harsh . 

The secretary , who being in the family way , was relieved of all responsibilities , with immediate effect .

The second , who was known to , putting it mildly , " put a finger in every pie " .

The third , bluntly refused to have anything to do with the key , now or ever . Upon being asked , she threatened to take the boy Harsh to task . Rather harsh. 


Next , I went to the mess office and asked for Harsh . A tall strapping fellow uncoiled himself from behind a pile of British era drawers , from  where he was valiantly trying to extricate a file . The drawer clung to the desired object , and the wooden contraption rattled pleadingly . 

The said person wore a white coat , not unlike the medical fraternity , and it was monogrammed " Amit " . 

"Yes ,ma'am ." He smoothed his hair , kicking the drawer shut , after having declared a temporary truce . 

"I am looking for Harsh ." 

"I am Harsh ." He said with some finality .

"I thought you were Amit ." I pointed to his chest .

"I am also called Amit ." He held his hands behind his back , and came to a stand-at-ease position . 

This was getting confusing . I looked around and caught sight of Tyagiji . He was a warrant officer , and I was pretty sure he did not operate under various aliases . 

"I am looking for the cupboard key Tyagiji ." I asked him .

Immediately , Amit or Harsh , moved aside to reveal a small metal cupboard , painted olive green , bearing a number on its top right corner , and on the left corner the legend "Remove me first in case of fire ." I wondered why would anyone bother removing tambola tickets to safety in case of a fire ? In fact it should be allowed to burn to a crisp , while other important things are being saved . 

Keeping my focus , I asked again , as no answer was forthcoming . Amit aka Harsh stared at Tyagiji , Tyagiji looked at him back , and both turned their heads simultaneously to look at a new entrant in the mess office room , a nervous looking thin man , possibly , a cleaner . He stood frozen at the door , his face speaking for him" What did I do wrong , this time ? " 

Tyagiji finally pulled himself together , and shrug his shoulders apologetically . 

" We don't have it maam ." 

"We don't have it maam ." Echoed Amit .

The cleaner boy , still frozen at the door , nodded vigorously .

"Then who has it ?" I sighed . This was going to be very tricky .

Everyone looked at each other again . Everyone had an epiphany . Simultaneously .

"A K Ma'am has it ." 

"Yes, A K Ma'am has it ." 

The cleaner boy nodded his head again . The Gods had whispered into his ears too. 

A K or Wing Commander A K Singh was the mess secretary , and his wife shouldered many of the station's responsibilities . A woman of amazing abilities , she also ran marathons , in her free time . 

So, I scooted off to A K 's home . Delicious cooking smells flooded her various plants on the landing and on the stairs . By the time I had reached the doorbell , next to which lay a placard declaring all the names of the various occupants of the house , I was fairly drooling myself . 

The plants were , of course , drooping from a surfeit of stimulation .

The door was opened by the maid . "Madam hain ?" was answered by madam herself . She rushed out into her cerulean blue sitting room . Her hands were smeared with food . "She was feeding her daughter . 

Her daughter is in class seven . Ten years plus , gangly , tall , bespectacled . Just like the father . Mom right now , appeared very flustered .

The key , Mrs Paul ? I don't have it ." 

Rachna aka Mrs A K , quickly dialled some numbers , and breathed urgently into the phone . I was left admiring her sapphire cushions , bean bags , Buddhas . I even drank water from a sapphire bottomed  tumbler . 

Then she quickly dialled off and turned to me . Rachna does everything fast . She is like that boy flash from "The  incredibles ". 

Before I could gulp down the last sip of her blue tinted water , she had spoken .

Last ladies club function , the key was with her , at the end of which it was handed to a person called Kishore . 

I was glad I was onboard so far . I cheerfully answered "Lets ask Kishore." 

"I was talking to him , right now , Mrs Paul." Ah , the whispered conversation . 

"He says he gave it to Mrs. S's eldest daughter . Mrs . S has two daughters . One is tennish , other four-ish. 

I hated all Kishores of the universe at that moment . Why daughter ? Why not mother ? There is no telling what kids will do to keys . Specially , ones that open doors to suff that keep their mothers busy and away from them . 

Mine have done interesting things to keys , coins , jewellery , and other shiny things , in the past. Hiding them is a  small part of the problem. Easily accomplished .

I shuddered . 

And came back . Told my neighbouring friend that the key is lost to posterity , in such and such manner .



Three days later she handed me the keys . The keys were with Mrs.S . Apparently , she has raised  god fearing kids , or at least mother fearing ones .  


My favourite holiday

 When we were younger , we went to this meadow . It was a forest once . Long time ago . Now , It is a grassy ridge . Beautiful lush green grass in every direction , except the south . A thin line of trees guarded the meadow , jealously , like its own personal secret . You had to cross the clump of trees to reach the ridge . The trees huddled together , blotting out the sun , and looking angrily at us intruders . The wind whispered ” Go back , you fools .”

Then , abruptly , the crunch of the leaves underfoot , gave way to soft velvety dawn of the luxuriant grass . The shade gave way to brilliant sun , and the birds chirped happily , winging it in the blue sky . It was like an impossible dream .
We sat on the ridge top, and had sandwiches , coffee from the flask . Mostly , we just sat and stared at the breathtaking beauty around . There was not much to speak out there . You just drank it all in . Hungrily . A road ran some distance away , making occasional noise when some vehicle passed by .
The silence and the green and the sun were so healing and therapeutic .
It stayed inside us , long after the holiday was over . In the bustle of the day , going around a crowded city , doing endless , meaningless chores , somewhere , in our hearts , a patch of emerald earth , and a fragment of azure sky with happy birds remained . Like a tiny , secret refuge from the chaos of life .

Thursday 6 January 2022

Going out of the gate

 So the phone rang. Several times. A parcel awaits , at the gate. The "gate " lies 3.5 kms from residence. 


It was a sunny day. And plenty of dilemmas were roiling around. Posting has arrived so packing has to begin . Cardboard boxes have arrived and labels and tape are all here . 

But omicron is forcing colleges shut. So kids might come back home from college . The first boxes I had packed were the kids stuff. So it might have to be unpacked .

Not knowing what to do, I decided to soak my feet. It makes things easier for me. Gives me time to reflect and cleanses the feet in the process. It also drains all the blood from higher reaches of cerebrum to the heels of the feet . It will be very much in evidence, shortly.

But my leisure was not to be . Two interruptions. One , monkeys on the tin roof , who decided to accompany me in enjoying the Sun . And the pesky phone call. 

Heralding the arrival of an item ordered by my daughter. Which I didn't need / know anything about. 

In my multitasking mode, I had put on my reading glasses and was trying to make sense of Benedictine uprising in the mediaeval period. 

So I go to the key hook , grab my two wheeler key and a mask. Thankfully they are hung together , a thoughtful gesture by my husband to remind forgetful people like me that the" war against Covid is not over yet"

My wet feet get rapidly cold . I realise I didn't wipe them . Neither did I bother to wear a pair of shoes. 

Next I can't see anything clearly. What is wrong with the world? Everything seems hazy and out of focus. One kilometre away from home I realise I am trying to drive wearing my reading glasses. 

Next , I find the wind ruffling my hair . I find that odd. It has never happened earlier. I find the answer even as I come into the line of vision of the gateman. 

Everyday, this guy sits there with his machine gun, sandbagged and helmeted against possible enemy attacks. For hours , over dressed and immobile. His only entertainment being catching defaulters like me.

Two words leapt up into the air , like a flare , lighting up both our minds , simultaneously . Mine with dread and his with glee.

" No helmet" 

I was a memsahib wearing frumpy pyjamas . All the more better. I could hear him sharpening his blade .


In my hurry I parked the two wheeler opposite the sandbagman . 

Wrong move . 

Now not one, but two ill occupied Watchmen swooped down upon me . Oozing authority in their fatigues , they lost no time in chastising me . My helmet was missing, they cluck clucked, this was not the correct place to park my vehicle . I thought now they will proceed to reprimand me for my poor clothes , upbringing, gender etc . 

I had geared myself to apologise to them and the world . But they stopped at that.

By the time I had reached the Amazon chap, I was spraying apologies right and left. I even apologised to a pigeon whose path I crossed and she flew off , beating her wings with much disdain.

Now that the world was cross with me. I fully expected the parcel guy to be too. 

Of course, he asked me for the OTP. And of course, I had left the phone behind at Home. 

He glared at me, over his mask . Then turned the tiny parcel over and over again in his hand.  I wondered if he was about to chuck it at me , like an ineffectual hand grenade. 

Finally , when I made my way back , I was stopped at the gate again . By the very watchman who had chastised me a few seconds ago. 

He gestured  at a civilian who directed a gun to my head . I said to myself" This is it. " And I closed my eyes. 

Turns out, he was checking my temperature. Next the soldier, with a straight face , asked me" who are you?" .

Expression of incredulity must have been quite evident on my face, because he let me in . 

Stories are rife about how a ridiculously small trip outside the" gates" turns you into a total stranger whose identity is demanded by the very people who let you out in the first place.My tryst with the outside world lasted all of 2 minutes,31 seconds .


It was ridiculous beyond words. Besides, I wasn't carrying my I card, an immeasurable crime in the forces .

I was formulating long winded , and sincerely worded apologies  in .my brain even as I made my way back, lest a complaint is lodged with my husband, or worse, with his superior,  about his lawless better half .


All these laws and letting in and outs and checkings have made me feel very much like a pet dog owned by a group of people.

Next time I must remember to bark at everyone who stops me, and not wag my tail .






Wednesday 5 January 2022

Goodbye

 Eventide draws curtains false

The jackal, in earnest hunger calls 

Kitchen counter is littered

Cake bits , veggies, eyelids shuttered

Too soon, there was no time

To brood and clean up the grime 

It's time ,I told him , I can feel

It in my bones . A gentle smile 

Your bones are 

Very old dear 

All the more reason 

To rest them , from prison 

Release them , cease work 

Breaths count and take 

Nothing much to fake 

Don't count spoons and forks

Immaterial , 

All things material 

You have left everything behind 

In locked cupboards , don't mind

Your dreams slumber 

You're already a mere 

Hope's glimmer 

Faint and afar 

An insignificant star 

In the multitudinous sky 

You didn't even get to say goodbye








Monday 3 January 2022

getting ready for the party

 Trying to mask 

body odour 

with some musk 

or ittar 

trying to compress 

wide expanse of 

prosperity 

into tininess of 

 austerity 

tying pleats 

and  folds

of silk and muslin 

over corpulent 

odoriferous meat

plastering 

and laying 

layers of paint 

to cover up 

disdain , despair 

occasional evil 

trying to sweeten 

the tongue with 

honey and flooze 

be careful of  booze

that may let loose 

gossip and secrets

slandering 

and sledging .




Party

 Another party , gathering 

same faces , same kind

tiny , meaningless uprisings 

small hearts , narrow minds 


Storms in tea cups 

tin pot kingdoms 

overnight props 

despairing fiefdoms 


Mind games , pathos

small thoughts 

Like pebbles , noughts 

in ballooned egos 


What does one live for 

No real  greatness 

What does one die for 

a fistful of largesse 


Me , me , me and me 

Just I exist , or should 

No one else , could 

Vie , vie , oh fie , vie !!


Such selfish chants 

fill narrow 

low brows 

what a waste , such want 


Thick pasty pancake

cakes the real fake 


Jungle Path

 I found myself staring 

at the road , black and shining ,

A ribbon of hope and life 

between looming jaws of strife 

the jungle closes in 

unasked , sudden 

An audacious strip of asphalt 

is all that lasts , 

like an extended breath 

taking you across death 

No sounds , only bated silence 

and spotted dove unseen 

Prescience says we have come 

to the jungle , hence home 

but the terror , unuttered 

felt , gut stirred 

something is wrong 

Someone is watching 

unseen , you are the prey 

human , you better pray