Saturday 21 April 2018

Looking for the school

One fine morning , I set out on an adventure .

No , I didn't climb mountains , or was stranded in an island full of caves , which were conveniently full of canned food .

Neither did I save the world .

The adventure was more like a wild-goose -chase .

On a barmy morning , I set out to look for a school . A school where an important exam was to be held . It had a common ring to it , and every third bus was emblazoned with its name . For reference sake , we shall call it "The tender Soul's School". It was a chain of schools , but at this point in time , I didn't know that .

Timmy , the driver , poked his head out at the first intersection of the Model Town , and espied a young couple . The girl had a black and white dupatta around her face and was incredibly thin . The boy was bearded , rotund , looked at us puzzled . Tapped the side of his head , as if looking into its sparse reserves , and hummed ominously . The lady , astride a purring scooter , vroomed into view .

"Bhaiya ! ' She commanded Timmy . "Follow me ! I know the exact place ".

We started , like lost sheep , and  the lady in scooty braked hard . Screech , Screech. She braked , we braked . "Maa nu das deyin mein ghar challin haan ." (Tell Mom I have started for home ). She screamed at Mr. Beard . He nodded absently , still figuring out the latitude and longitude of "Tender Souls " . "Paaji ... "He began a fresh set of instructions for Timmy , and was promptly interrupted . Lady Diana , raised her barely visible eyebrows ,  yanked his arm , and him into present tense " Main ki kya ..." (what did I tell you ?)

"Aaho , aaho " We were not the only meek sheep here. "Mein phone kardaan ." (I will just call )

The lady took off , zigzagging the traffic with professional ease . She stayed a comfortable 20 feet ahead of us , regardless of the state of intervening vehicles . Thelas , stray dogs , SUVs, she ducked them all , and sailed past , her gossamer thin dupatta waving , and her thin frame hardly breaking into a sweat . It was a feast for the eyes . Now I know what ringside spectators at formula 1 races feel like.

The worrisome fact was , we had left Model Town behind . Long ago . And the admit card clearly mentioned Model Town . Well, I thought , maybe this was some other Model Town , in the same city , like M.G.Road in Mumbai , of which there are several , I am told.

The bungalows were replaced with humbler abodes of living . Karyana shops scaled down . The vast fields of ripe golden wheat , awaiting harvest , replaced choc-a-bloc houses and shops . The air grew thinner , and cleaner . The road divider disappeared . We had crossed the town limits and came upon the famous water park , called" Wonderland ". I remember being told it was 25 kms from city centre . We had literally , gone off on a limb here.

Suddenly , we saw the girl come to a halt at an intersection . She waved us on , straight ahead , "maybe a kilometre or two " .

Another enquiry had to be made at a cycle repair shop , who asked us to take the first right and then second left.

A large campus of sorts loomed ahead . Sweeping driveway . Gateposts , watchmen , manicured hedges bordering the property , and a massive board proclaiming "Tender Souls' Group of Institutions " . We felt as if in our quest for a bit of gold , we had hit the mother lode .

First entry , for any enquiry , had to be made in a register at the gate . Name , purpose of visit , time of entry .

Second entry at the receptionist's table . A sleepy lady , bored to death , just mechanically pushed the fat register in my direction . Name , phone number , If I was a parent (here I lied and wrote that I was one , as every visitor ahead of me was  , and not being one would put me on the spotlight , rather painfully), what business(official), with whom (principal ) , I gawped at my own cheek and pushed it back . She just motioned me up an impressive flight of stairs , painted red , and lined with leafy pots .

Inside , in the foyer , a gigantic photo , possibly of the founder stared down at me . Bespectacled and fierce looking . As if asking  "How dare you enter ?" I looked away .

Office of the in-charge (some sort of principal, ad hoc , or vice ) , was neat , and empty. A dulcet tone spoke , almost ventriloquy from the founder's lips . "May I help you ?" I jumped out of my skin . I looked at the photo and stammered "Actually ,I..." . Some one coughed at my elbow , and I saw a petite lady in a red kurti , looking at me with mild consternation.

Turns out , this was not the school I was looking for , as I suspected all the long while . The real school lay in the city . After obtaining correct directions (mildly vague still) , profuse apologising on both our parts (unnecessary drama), and refusing invitation to water /tea , or such nourishing beverages , Timmy and I sped back to crowded urban confusion .

Sun was at its peak , and things had begun looking bleak.

 We had just entered Model Town for the second time , and following instructions , had reached a leafy avenue , where we espied a couple beneath a tree . A policeman and a policewoman (what is with this couple thing? Coincidences )sat on their respective bikes .

Timmy put the question to them . The woman kept an eye on us , from a distance , and the man cleared his throat  and began .

He must have not proceeded much farther , when a man on another bike (a plainclothesman , or so he seemed) , forced his way into the conversation and said the dreaded words ," Follow me !I know the exact place !"

Timmy and I looked at each other , smiled , and set out to follow him . The police people were right when they had emphatically echoed each other ,"Laagge hee hai ." (It is close by !). It was indeed very close by .

A few twists and turns , all , thankfully , in familiar terrain ,and here we were . Facing a newly built building , some parts still under construction . The receptionist  offered me a chair , by dislodging an older woman , who looked like an ayah. The floor outside the principal's office was scattered with the residues of ongoing construction . Moved furniture , spattered cement . and a dislodged portrait of the famous bespectacled founder . The photo was identical in every aspect to the one I had seen in the other "Tender Souls ". I greeted her as an old friend .She returned the stern stare back.

The receptionist was busy unentangling someone's paperwork . A student was being transferred between the two branches of the "T S" , and the hassled father had grown a stubble in the process, it seemed .

 A clean shaven peon , sat on a stool at some distance and kept staring at the pretty receptionist with salivating , dogged -eye devotion .She talked , laughed on the phone , and he never let her out of his sight , even when tying the shoelaces of a boy or retrieving an eraser off the ground . Several cute school girls in short skirts and giggly , dimpled faces , walked past him , but he had eyes only for the lady . It was touching and creepy , at the same time .

The Principal didn't seem to be letting up talking to two sets of parents any time soon . It was 1430 , and I felt I should barge in before I succumb to hypoglycaemia or dehydration , or both . She received me with warmth . But before she could speak , a man sitting next to her , his back to us , swivelled around , and answered my query .

"A test by CBSE , on Sunday , NEET Exam." I nodded dumbly . Relieved at having someone comprehending an iota of what I was talking about .

I was reassured that this was the venue . The exam? Well, the NEET team comes down from the national capital , dislodges the school functionaries, takes over the foyer , classrooms and conducts the tests, he answered blithely . Sounding somewhat resentful of the whole arrangement . The principal just nodded dumbly. Talking of the real powers behind the thrones .


Reassured , Timmy and I raced back home , with two stops . One for refuelling the car , and another for slaking Timmy's parched throat .












Wednesday 11 April 2018

Whatsapp Group

The apartment owners have a Whatsapp group , which is abuzz since morning . Actually , there are two .

One group for official complaining , meant to list complaints to the manager , about dripping taps , seepages on walls , mosquitoes in the sitting room and ill- behaved security personnel.

The other group is the unofficial group , meant for sharing jokes , political memes , religious bashing , general back -biting , back-stabbing , bitching and organising picnics meant for select few families , who still get on with each other . Mostly , they fight . We , being a diverse nation , find plenty of differences with each other , if we go looking for it. Language , religion , region , food habits , cultural differences , ethnic differences , skin colour , to name a few .

For the past few weeks , the group admin, who calls himself "His Grace " , a pseudonym , of course , has been haranguing people to stick to the unofficial group , in so far as sending of "social " messages is concerned . Most people comply. Others , the majority , as in real life , are silent spectators .

 "His Grace " fancies himself the leader of the masses , and issues his dictum periodically . With much usage of officialese .

He also quotes numbers of views , likes and opinions etc , to lever his cause .

Recently an NRI , with the pseudonym of "free bird" , has arrived with his teenaged daughter , and a wife , who seems to be undergoing chemotherapy . She ties a scarf around her head , and takes long walks with her husband , the "free bird".He is dressed in a yellow T-shirt , and white pants , she in orange or red palazzos.

Right now, "His Grace", is running around ,jogging in circles , in the colony garden . "Free bird " is walking sedately , a few metres behind , accompanied , by his better half , who is walking slowly . A little while later , both of them stop . And send texts on their mobiles .

Trust me. I am sitting roughly one kilometre away , and can clearly see both of them . The phone (mine ) pings . "His grace " has again requested members to stick to the format , informal vs formal messages . "Free bird " has promptly sent six memes /jokes in quick succession .

A quick rebuttal and a terse reminder from an ardent supporter of "His Grace " follows.

The two meet at garden entrance and greet each other , shake hands and disperse . They , obviously , don't know each other , in person.






Friday 6 April 2018

Meri Awaaz Suno

The ICU workstation is at its chaotic peak , during the morning hours . There are rounds , and rounds . Shifts are ending , routine beginning and the day has broken .

Some patients have improved , some deteriorated . For the teams taking rounds , their patient is of utmost importance . Gastroenterology , Gynaecology , nephrology , urology, neurology , all teams arrive , almost simultaneously .

Nursing staff is stretched in various directions . Instructions , instructions . Change in treatment, investigations , diet , physiotherapy .

Each team consists of at least 4-5 doctors .

One doctor stands out . Because of his height . I think his name is Amit. He is dark  and loud , and fat around the tummy.

"Meri awaaz suno . Madam !!"

Booming baritone. All are silenced . His instructions are heard clearly .

A moment later , heads swivel back , and chaotic conversation resumes . But Dr. Amit has made himself heard.



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Wednesday 4 April 2018

Aggarwal ji

"What is this Eeeh?"

Aggarwalji's long drawn out eh at the end of every sentence is signature . So , is his habit of pushing his specs up on his nose bridge in the middle of every sentence . Then , the sharp intake of breath when someone enters his cabin , with a jumpy look , as if he was in the midst of some criminal act.

Right now , he is looking at a xerox copy of aadhar card , which has travelled across half the nation , in various electronic media ,by email and whatsapp,  downloaded , uploaded , printed and brought to him for his perusal . The journey equivalent to an elderly relative paying a visit to you , by bus , taxi , auto , bullock cart , and apparating at your doorstep one month later , reeking of stale food and cow -urine .

Aggarwalji sniffed . He could definitely smell long distance travel , and probably cow -urine , in this piece of paper fluttering apologetically , on his table . The ceiling fan kept up its assault.

 Mr Aggarwal has an assortment of beautiful paperweights , souvenirs from his around the globe sojourns .

He still didn't rescue my paper . I made a sudden , ungraceful , dive and saved it from taking off. Pouting his lower lip, he shook his head .

Then lowering his head , went about tying something on his keyboard . Whatever he was engrossed in doing , before I barged into his cabin with my well -travelled paper .


I waited , somewhat impatiently. He , then pulled out his drawer . There was a lidless tiffin box , full of diced papaya , with a fruit fork , in it . Picking up the fork , he impaled a juicy bit of papaya and put it in his mouth , commencing to eat it slowly , very slowly.

Then his phone rang . Still chewing , he picked up the phone ( Ye olde dial-a-number phone )and answered a sweet "Halloo" , juicy with the sweetness of papaya. Then , he commenced a conversation in a language , which though comprehensible , seemed to be full of words that sounded like codes. Aggarwalji was chortling with happiness , his cheeks shone , and his gaze was fixed on one point in the glass cage he sat in .

He flashed smiles , that were like flashes of lightning on an arid , jagged landscape . Thunderbolts of happiness . Then I saw her . Long ,straight hair , worn unprofessionally loose , red lipstick, black mascara , pointy chin , fair cheeks . Office romance .  I was a ringside spectator. Aggy had probably forgotten I existed .

"Ahem!" I cleared my throat . Aggyji took a sharp breath , a serpentine hiss , and started at the sight of me . "Yes ?" A hand on the reciever . A pair of mascara lined  hate filled eyes stared at me, from outside the glass cage  .

"The copy of the card". I murmured.

"Nahin chalega"

"Why?" Aggyji replaced the reciever , pushed the papaya drawer from my sight , shifted his chair close , pushed his specs on his nose bridge, started hammering the keys and spoke in the same breath.

" The photo is faint , the numbers smudgy , anddddd bekaar hai .Nahin chalega ."

He dismissed me with an imperious wave of his hand .

It didn't help that this was my third visit to the bank and Aggyji was the branch manager . Now there was only one authority left above him to appease , and that was God .

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We had forgotten an intermediary . A higher official . An angel called circle officer. Puriji , a family friend .

A friendly call , and a call was put through to Aggyji.

Next visit , Aggyji was jumpy again . Only , he scooted out of his cabin , grabbed my hand , and dragged me inside before I could say , "Namaste ". He had hot tea brought for me and forced me to take "namkeen" and biscuits from various colourful plastic dabbas which emerged from his hitherto concealed , cavernous left drawer.

Then , wearing an apologetic plasticky smile , he brought out my papers , and the job was done pronto .

At one point , he also solicited the help of the mascara'd beauty sitting beyond the cage , with a fake smile of sincerity , and looked up at me with eyes that said "f@@@ you".

The hot water of confrontation with a senior had frightened  Aggyji , and he bent over , backwards , desperate to please.


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