Keeping all eyes glued on his face , he bent down to pick up his "chhota peg " , took a swig , picked up a few peanuts from the cut glass bowl , chewed them with his eyes shut , head thrown back , swallowed it slowly, savouring every bit . Then , straightening , he opened his eyes , and began .
"I lost my buffaloes ."
"Really ? How ?"
Buffaloes are large , visible , and noisy beings . They stomp the ground , moo loudly , splatter paths with dung , and are valuable . How could one possibly lose such a being ?
"Which one ?" Uncle A asked . Uncle A was in the army for long years . He knew that fantastic tales often had their origin in Chhota pegs . A wee bit of liquor can loosen tongues and blast inhibitions away . In some , it could trigger a tsunami of imagination too .
"All of them ."
"Pshaw ." Uncle A couldn't hold back his indignation at such a tall tale .
He knew Mr P from Patiala had eight , hefty buffaloes. Each of the buffaloes cost anything between forty to ninety thousand rupees. That was tantamount to losing all your fortune in one go . Pandava fashion . Unbelievable .
"No really . I lost them all ."
There were tears in his eyes , so all kept quiet.
The newly opened whiskey bottle was three fourths empty .
Maudlin is the word , last looked up on Google .
Then his pretty daughter piped up " Uncle , they really ran away." In Brit accent , with a nasal twang, and over - sincere , saucer eyes , kohl lined ,wide open .
A seconds silence followed. No one knew how to drag the conversation further .
"Actually ,it was all the women folks' fault . " The main man , Mr P from Patiala , blamed the favourite scapegoat of all time. Women .
The daughter's mouth fell open ,in mock disbelief. The wife smirked and looked away. Too embarrassed with the sudden turn .
" How come? " Uncle A was persistent.
" There was this get together in the neighbourhood. Ladies meet . So , entire afternoon , I was regaled with the twinkling of jewellery, plonk plonk of heels , rustling of silks , giggling of throats and the aroma of mingling perfumes. Imported perfumes vying with desi deodorants . How can a man sleep? "
"Why were you sleeping when your buffaloes were ' running away '? "
" I didn't know that , then . I thought they were taking an afternoon nap , just like me."
" Haah ." Uncle A swallowed a guffaw , midgut , and picked up two peanuts.
" They were found next week."
" If they were found,then what is the fuss? "
" They had been put up for sale , on the panchayat WhatsApp group . My buffaloes had been bathed , massaged with oil , their horns painted and hooves trimmed and shorn . "
"Someone took good care of your cattle." Uncle A was honest and sarcastic in the same breath.
"Yes , but he was going to sell them . My buffaloes."
" How can you say that ? They might be his , for all you know. "
"I know uncle. They were mine ." Mr P had shifted his face within inches of uncle's.
"How?"
"A farmer knows his cattle."
"How ? By hoof marks ? Or by their mooing ? " When Uncle decided to be sarcastic , there was no stopping him . Laughter bubbled at the pit of my stomach .
" My maid recognised them ."
" Your maid ?"
"Yes sir. She milks them, feeds them and bathes them . She knows each scar , each snort , each skin pigmentation and each mark. She can even tell them apart by their distinct smell. "
"What was she doing in the neighbour's barnyard? "
" She was visiting her sister , who works for them."
" Then , what next ?"
"She came back home and told us . She told us that they have been prepped for the sale at the monthly cattle fair . She told me to be quick . "
"Hmmm" .
" So , I was quick .I went to my neighbour's house and talked him out of it . We brought our cattle back home. The Lakshmi ( goddess of wealth) had returned back to my house. "
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After a fortnight , some digging into this story ensued as Uncle A also knew the neighbour of this Mr P from Patiala .
We came to know ,that the buffaloes had been actually hustled into the neighbour's compound ( Any one who own buffaloes will tell you that these are very lazy creatures , very loathe to move and seldom change directions ) , to graze on his lush green "imported " lawn grass , dropping dung and trampling his begonias , till they were rounded up and locked into the cattle shed .
MrP was approached and informed of the misdemeanour by his black beasts and he flatly refused . He said that these ill mannered cattle were not his , and that he had nothing to do with them . Following which , they were bathed , oiled and painted and put up for sale by the neighbour .
In the end , Mr P had to buy back his own (probably barren , i.e., not milch ) buffaloes from his neighbour and had to pay for the damages to the lawn too .
It was a plain act of malicious vandalism ,which Mr P , decided to narrate to us from the victim point of view .
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