A hair raising tale

My hair is growing back . Like sparse bush in a desert that has just experienced unexpected , and despairingly brief showers .

It has grown , reluctantly  . The quality of individual strand leaves much to be desired .
The disappointment is rife .

In the hairdresser's voice , when he picks up stray hairs and wonders out loud "This ? I have to cut this ?" As if asking , how could this happen to me ? How much have I lowered myself .

 A rotund beautician called Shabnam , had once hovered her scissors over my scalp and made clicking sounds with her mouth ."There , your haircut is done . " She was sure , she had cut my hair . I had seen her reflection. I knew the truth .
Then she sighed and said "That will cost you 100 rupees."Of course , I paid her .

My daughter was aghast . She said "You give me 100 bucks , I will do a better job at home ."
Of course , I had not told her the story of clicking of the tongue.

Then , there is my better half . By habit , a neat person , my hair , is one of the many rebellious things about me , which he hasn't been able to ,sadly , subdue . That doesn't stop him from trying hard .

So I have had a series of hair growth lotions , followed by series of haircuts and lots of hairdressers.
Most of them were very upset with the wispy quality of my hair . To add insult to injury , they have started to turn grey , rather rapidly .

So my conversation at the beautician's goes like this

"Get your hair dyed ma'am . "
"No , not this time . " (Here I bite back on the superlative "never")
"I will do it at half the rate ."
"No."
"You can bring your own dye ."
"I don't have a dye bottle at home !"
"Then you should buy one." Sudden enthusiastic jump to a shelf full of horrendously expensive hair  dyes , advertised by bollywood starlets , mesmerising , salivating . "Here see this one , will cost you blah -blah , this one has 50% discount ..............."

I have shut off the sound and am more engrossed in watching her speak animatedly , like a mute TV. Oh this is so much fun . She mistakes my addled staring to be one of genuine interest , and starts firing on all cylinders , literally sending off sparks . The entire room becomes energised , and a listless looking assistant suddenly grabs a bottle and starts spritzing my lousy hair .

"........and I will do pink tints for free."
"No ." I turn back with finality , returning to real world with the snapping shut of a jaw , hitherto open.

A silent and ruthless haircut follows , meagre money exchanges hands . I come home to mixed reactions .

My husband is a natural optimist . So he says , things like , "She has done a real good job."
One of his outspoken colleagues quipped ,"Ma'am , you look like an inmate of an asylum . " Ouch.
My daughter says " I told you , you should have given me that 100 bucks ."
My neighbour hums and haws , looks at me from all angles , and offers me some water , along with a bowl of yesterday's leftover dal . She doesn't comment on my hair .
Her husband is more forthcoming " Did she charge you ?" Of , course , she charged me .
"For that kind of haircut , she shouldn't be charging anyone ",he proffers philosophically , looking vaguely into the distance , trying to avoid looking at me .


So , the winters are better , for the hair , and its sparseness , is hidden underneath bulky layers of opaque wool. And it grows in length , underneath the woollen dome , like a tropical vine in a greenhouse .

Albeit sickly , pale and thin , sunlight deprived .

Today , it was sunny and I was invited to an outdoor lunch . Hence , no topi .

I shampooed and combed , brushed and fluffed my meagre crop. And took a selfie . Then committed the ultimate crime of posting it on the whatsapp group.

My hubby, concerned , walking on egg-shells "Looking great , full head . Will it grow any longer ? Just asking ."

My younger daughter , teenager -rude , " Ewwwww"

My elder one , more diplomatic" Great " followed by folded hands .

My sister, brutal "Your hair looks like Sai baba's . What have you done ? Must use conditioner . Tell me your brand.I will send some ."

"I don't use conditioner ." I wail into my keypad .

"Then you should . There is this brand .........."