On buying eggs . During Navaratri .

It is eleven in the morning, sun is beating down, bright and hot. 

The vicinity of the milk shop always stinks of sour curd, despite all supplies arriving in sterile, leak proof , brightly coloured plastic pouches . 

When I ask for a tray of eggs , she winces, as if I had asked a wrong item. I notice that the heap has dwindled from when last seen. Then I realise that fresh supplies have been 

 stopped for Navaratri. 

I wonder if they are ok to eat. But I know the answer already if I voice my doubts, so I accept my eggs quietly.

Next on my list was a picture of the Goddess for my quasi devout Mom. She just wanted a picture to look at while she recites her prayers ( very audibly) every morning after bathing. My mother is 81 plus and is mostly stationary. She cannot indulge in the calisthenics involved in offering incense and flowers .

Hence liberating herself from the performance of rituals involved.

Lo behold. Right opposite the milk shop was a tiny shop which had put out a bench onto the street, arrayed with the pictures of the Goddess.  It is a framing shop , as I can tell . The framed white horses , splashing in pristine surf , jostle for space with the various Gods and Goddesses of the Hindu Pantheon . There are large Radha and Krishna paintings /prints , framed in gilt , and tinier Durga , astride the lion , wielding all weapons in a kind of halo . I have been asked to get one picture of the Goddess by my ageing mother. 

Not one to refuse demands from the elderly , I find myself trying to adjust the egg tray , on one corner of the bench , which is completely God free . A hysterical cry springs from the dark , hitherto , unmanned bellies of the shop . 

"Usko wahan mat rakhiye . " ( Don't keep it there ) , too scandalised to even name the eggs . I quickly pick up my offending item . This time I decide to hold it aloft , away from the human touch , like a shrine . 

An indignant face appears , smeared on the forehead with the tell tale red tikka , of the devout . 

One look at my trousered legs , and shorn locks , and he has already concluded my religious affiliation . Possibly christian , he is thinking . 

"Aap Hindu nahin hain ?" ( Aren't you a Hindu ?" 

"Bilkul hain ." I answer quickly . Why else would I be buying pictures of the Goddess , in the festive season ? 

"Isko yahan par mat rakhiye , I have to supply the gift wrapping papers to the temple . " He offered as a means of explanantion .

"I have to buy eggs for elderly at home . " I too , offered as an explanation . The same elderly , who has sent me on this ironical errand . I wanted to add , but refrained .

"Oho ? I see . Anyway , these ( pointing to the eggs ) are not fertilised anyways , so it is veg only . " He laughed , I could see two rows of paan stained teeth .

I laughed back in relief . 

Carrying the bag containing the goddess in my right hand and eggs held aloft in my left hand , I have actually run out of holding spaces .

Next stop , a bindi shop . For the very same elderly . By now , people have started avoiding coming closer to me . Women deflect the upper half of their body , so as to not be defiled in the presence of such an obnoxious item in my hand . 

I create a minor commotion in the bindi shop , which is narrow and crowded . Everyone skirts around my egg tray , and I have been asked not to enter the shop . 

After fifteen minutes of pointing at "Yeh wala " , "Nahin woh wala "  (this one , no , that one ) ,

I give up . 

The sales girl is new and she can't find any thing . Besides , the pooja rush ensures a thick stream of ladies asking for cosmetics , combs and other items , not only for the Goddess ka shringar , but for themselves as well . It is hopeless .

People are giving me disgusted and frankly angry looks . "Look at his woman , can't survive without eating eggs for even ten days , shame on her . " I can hear them think . 

On my way back , I enter a grocery shop . To buy flour , again , for the very same elderly . People look at me askance , wondering "What is wrong with her ?" 

There is an empty stool by the door . I ask the shopkeeper if it is ok to keep the eggs there . The shopkeeper , a fat Pickwickian personality breaks into guffaws . He nods , then offers me frozen chicken from his freezer .

"No , I just want a kilo of atta . " 

"Rice ?" 

"No." 

"Dry fruits ?" 

"No. Doctor has forbidden us from having dry fruits . " I try to joke .

"I eat medicines , and continue to eat dry fruits . A car needs petrol . We need fuel . " 

He is either a non believer , or a very good salesman . But I am thankful for him to have accepted my eggy presence . The atta arrives , I pay , and leave . 

Now , I have to walk with atta sitting on top of the egg tray in my left , and Goddess in my right . I have arms splayed , almost like the Goddess herself . Perhaps , in a twisted sense , I am carrying weapons . 

I make a beeline to the car . still holding my offensive cargo aloft , and people scatter .

I might as well be carrying grenades . 

 

A bump and a car(ess)

 So , an absent spouse , a posting in the remotest island , and a car that is greying around the temples , falls under my care . I had serious doubts about my own abilities , not to mention the colour of my own hair , which , just like the car , is greying around the temples . 

The car and I went along pretty well for a few weeks after the departure of the husband to far off isles . Sharing jetty walkway  with seagulls  , he posts breathtaking pictures upon pics , of pink , mauve and orange -yellow sunsets  and ships both moored  in  the harbour and adrift at the sea  . Red crabs and tetrapods . Coconut trees and dense forests . 

Back here on mainland  , car and I carried on well for some time , before the car realised that it was being driven up the precipitous slopes of flyovers of  state roads and National Highways by an imposter . A usurper , who looked and smelt different from its earlier , more  caring  and pampering owner . 

The car broke out in a series of psychosomatic disorders . 

One fine summer morning , it refused to start . As I cranked the key again and again ,  a friendly , familiar face poked in on the window . He took the steering wheel , sliding his slight frame into the cavernous dent in the seat ( left "behind " by my better half and me ) and "jump started " the car . Meaning , whipped the reluctant car into starting . 

Taking care not to switch off the ignition , anywhere on the way , I reached my destination . I switched off the ignition , out of sheer habit . The car , on the way back , stubbornly , refused to budge . Again , an enterprising gent got the car to start , forcibly . The car reached back home , as the battery shop was closed . 

A friendly neighbour sent his driver and car for the purchase of the new battery . Thereafter , I triumphantly drove the car to be" inspected " by the battery wala .  The owner , helpfully , advised me to get the water levels of the battery checked after three months . 

The new battery was bought in the month of May , I reported in September duly, for the checking up . All ok . 

My both visits to this battery seller , resulted in my sitting in the air conditioned office with a polite "Madam ,please sit inside " . I was plied with cold water and engaging small talk by the owner in chaste english . I was highly impressed with the service . 

Shortly after this visit to the battery guy , the car stalled again . This time it couldn't be jump started too . 

The car was stuck . Company service guys arrived in their van and opened the bonnet with complete confidence and fanfare . 

The copper shaft connecting one of the battery terminals  to the rest of the engine , had come undone . That was the undoing . So much for the religious trips to the battery wala . The clamp that held the battery in place was found hanging in the forest vines of cables entangled beneath . 

It was a case of criminal negligence .  So much for the hospitality  , and "good service ." I made a mental note never to sit in any office , while my car was being tinkered with / attended to . The final glass ceiling of fake chivalry needed to break . 

A certain sized nut ( which was required to tighten the clamp ) was unavailable even in the impressively stocked company van . 

Solution ? Drive all the way to the company workshop , some 6 kms away , get the nut fixed , and pay the rescuer , 100 times the money that the nut cost . Not to mention the fuel guzzled in the process. 

 There is a row of nine  cars parked in front of our block  . Mine is the fourth. A sleepy guy opens up a hose of water and starts sprinkling the cars with water at precisely 0630 AM . Then he starts wiping the cars down with a rag . He begins from one end , and by the time I arrive at 0645 AM , he has done only the first two cars in the row . Others , dripping , await their turn . Nine times out of ten , I drive out with water streaming down my windshield , wipers on full blast , and spray slapping my right cheek , as if I have just escaped  a hurricane . 

Repeated reminders , gentle and rough , to do my car first , have fallen over deaf ears . So , now I keep a spray bottle and a rag of my own , to wipe down the remnants of the "hurricane " water spots and dust . 

And finally , today morning , I had a flat tyre , front right . Luckily , I remembered a petrol station , where I was told by the air boy that I had  punctures . Four of them . Two large and two small . 

Counting quickly on his finger tips , he said that would cost me 200 bucks . I nodded but reminded him that I will pay via UPI . I wasn't carrying any cash . The boy appeared crestfallen . However , he did his job quickly and efficiently plugging the apertures with strips of rubber and a pink glue . Hardly eighteen year old , the boy had a younger assistant of his own , who pumped in air into the tyres , cranked the jack , fetched supplies etc . 

Despite the car's repeated attempts to fall ill , the providence always put it back onto its tyres , with a pat on its back . 

In the defence of the car , a stately , white Wagon R , the apple of  one of my hubby's eye , ( the apple of the other eye belongs to his daughters ) , the real culprit is the pot holed road which I drive on daily . 

It is the potholes that jarred the battery and loosened its connections . It is the sharp edge of jagged gravel that pierced the tyre. Hence absolved , the car has grown progressively fonder of me . It even purrs , on occasion . 

A revolution

( Bloodstream is loaded  with caffeine adequately 

You have just asked a question , politely 

So I am not going to ignore ,  less likely 

Would you please repeat it ? Blimey 

Memory has nothing to do with stimulation , 

Automobile on a parallel highway , a simulation 

We watch ourselves speeding , a collision 

Possibly sparks , inspiration , an explosion )

Who'd have thought of quiet neighbourhoods 

Harbouring intense destruction under fleece hoods 

Sweep them in , don't speak , on guard they stood 

Don't think , don't write , don't sigh , don't brood 

Contained violence . What does that even mean 

So twisted , so dark , we talk in oxymorons 

Someone paints the sidewalk , blood red crayons

Someone else clings to half truths , crimson curtains 

Do not open your window , else the poison 

In the air , enters and blackens the moon 

the walls soak up prejudice and depravity 

It smells like a war , without the gravity 

All words float in the jet  black air 

Invisible , unreal , here and there 

the screams silenced in a cannon glare 

 they said it wont harm , just water 

See , it has swept us all , plywood ferries 

adrift in the blackening sea of queries 

The sky rains smoke , red hot rocks , ashes 

A volcano has just erupted , Vesuvius 

History fond of repeating itself , has bayonetted 

 Pompei , and you , and you don't even know it yet .

Not a cat person

My neighbour has a new cat . People tell me it is a male , so I have to believe them . Not being quite a cat person myself , I have found myself locked into staring competitions with the feline .

We are both wary of each other . He , of my shriek , and the hand that quickly flings a slipper in his direction . I , of lurking , unwanted feline company , that rummages ( and ruins ) dustbins , tears garbage bags , even if they do not contain edible material ; noiselessly  enters your home (their famous pussy footing ) without you being aware , and scares the bejesus out of you . 

Once , I walked into the kid's room , to find him perched onto their bed . Purring , possibly , with the intent of taking their place , in my home, heart  and hearth . 

Sorry . I told the cat so much . Not in his feline tongue , but in three distinct human speak  . He stared back , defiantly , with his hypnotising green slits , then blinked in the sunshine . He blinked twice , I swear . Once for the" f "word , and twice for the "off ". 

If something is cooking in the kitchen , he will leap onto the window ledge , with nary a sound , and stare , demandingly , into the depths of the kitchen . If you look at him , he will meow in anticipation . It is not as if he is pleading for food , he is demanding it , as if it is his birthright . No wonder the ancient Egyptians worshipped cats , and mummified hundreds of them , along with the corpses of the nobility . There was a cat  Goddess too , by the name of Bastet . 

Most of the time , when you meet him, it seems to be , uncannily , reading your mind . 

Claustrophobia  , and  fear of possible death has stopped it from entering the lift .  One wintry morning , the door to the lift opened , the cat ran towards me , took one look at the open metal box , and unthinkingly , leapt into it . The metal doors swiftly shut on him , and he wailed all the way down , all through the four floors of slow , unimaginable agony . He learnt a valuable , and luckily , an indelible lesson that day . (Or else , imagine enclosed in an airless tin box with the cat . I remember a similar torture device in existence , in Europe , during the middle ages .)

He always takes the stairs for his excursion , thereafter . Lurking at various corners , like a bundled up blanket , which unfolds itself , gives you a long languid stare ( mera kya bigaad loge tum ) and then yawns in a true cat fashion . Slow , and unbothered , revealing , in the same innocuous breath , all his sharp teeth , and the possible damage that can be inflicted by the same . This is tantamount to a road side mobster  casually showing you his gun , holstered and safe , but menacing all the same . 

If you happen to excite the cat , producing some unfortunate shooing sounds , it will stretch its limber body and scratch the door mat furiously with its claws . Occasionally , stopping to see , if you are still lingering around or have taken flight . This is equivalent to the mobster unholstering his gun , and brandishing it in the air  . 

Now , if it  leaps at you , with all her weaponry , in full functional mode , the mobster has fired . If it misses and lands behind you , it was a gunshot in the air , a dire warning . One would be dumb not to take the hint . 

My maid chucks water at him. Apparently felines abhor water . He makes a run. As if  a river of scalding lava has been directed against him . When it rains , the cat is miserable . As he is not allowed inside his master's house too . They believe in "once a stray , forever a stray " adage . He takes refuge in the driest part of the parking lot , safe under a large SUV , confident in his belief that water won't find him there . In the rare case that the rain floods the parking lot , he climbs up a window ledge , and licks his paws clean , nonchalantly.

In fact , I can now safely blame the lack of rains in this part of the country to this particular cat .He must have really prayed for a dry season . 

Sorcerers . No wonder the Egyptians worshipped them . 

My religious relatives warn me , don't throw slippers at the cat . Or what ? Or , if he dies ( by lucky perchance ) , you will have to offer a cat made of gold at a  Hindu temple , and feed a hundred brahmins . What ? Why ? I know lot of hit and run cases , in which humans have done little , even after having killed other humans . 

They say a lot of one's life and existence depends on how one markets oneself . The cat walks , tail in the air , with the complete haughtiness of a general inspecting his troops .  There is no trace of any fear or subservience in those eyes , that stare into the depths of your murky soul . I know your deepest fears , you coward !! say those green and gold eyes . 

Even my plants are not safe . There is a bushy , pretty ,palm , whose soil happened to be bit sandy . The cat used to pretend that it was its litter , put there for her . Abandoning her master's pretty and roomy  plastic bin , it had resorted to clambering up the uncomfortable confines atop a terracotta pot , underneath substantial foliage to relieve herself. This unfortunate accident , became a daily event , till my maid discovered that wet soil deters the clean freak cat . OCD stricken , it won't do anything, knowingly , to muddy its paws . 

Secondly , my neighbour's potted plants have been elevated one foot above the ground , in an attempt to keep it out of reach of inquisitive / mischievous paws . I had no such qualms , hence my lush caladium and Chinese evergreen leaves are discovered shredded every morning . An old Hindi saying goes "khammat billaya khambha noche " , meaning , a disgruntled cat is likely to vent its frustrations on a wooden pole . On another occasion , my newly transplanted ten o'clock was found sprawled and withered on the ground , uprooted from its new home, and the soft ( unwatered ) mud , sprinkled in decorative spirals around the pot , which was itself lying on its side . 

My neighbour , I forgot to add , also has bulky , ceramic pots , incapable of being overturned by cats , who have nothing better to do . 

Here , my maid pointed out that , the cat in question , being a male , might have been blinded into a fit of inexplicable, plant -directed , rage , because of an excess of testosterone . 

I have begin deluging my plants , and have bought , bigger , non -pushover pots . Now I just need to elevate them . I also intend to barricade my balcony .

My neighbour is deeply offended by my plans to wall-in  my plants and balcony , from the unwanted  feline intrusion . 

"You are not a cat person , I believe . " She says curtly. 

"No , I am not , ma'am ." 

Meditation class

 The day started off with a mild drizzle. That cooled down the air and set the ambience, so to speak. 

Today's meditation goals were achieved via a series of breathing exercises and relaxation techniques. Once the breath had slowed down and become regular, the entire demeanor of the body and mind followed. 

After the overall calming, came the relaxation technique, in which each part of the body is named and focussed upon. That brings the mind to present, leaving no room for the constant chaos of thoughts that clamour inside the skull, non stop.

For once, you are here and in your own body. For once, you have allowed waves of tranquility to wash upon yourself. For once, you can hear the universe around you, and the peace in the morning, rain drenched breeze. 

Back home

 So, i am back at my home after a long-ish hiatus . A month and a half , to be precise . There are lots of changes that have occurred in my absence . And a lot hasn't . 

The house still holds ground , thankfully . But looks old . Inside as well as outside . The plaster is peeling at places , and there is an inexplicable sewage like odour emanating from one of the rooms . The house is , as if , like an old retainer , tired of waiting for the inmates to return . You can almost hear it breathe a a sigh of relief , as a whoosh of fresh air enters the house through one end and exits , from some where near your right ear . Hah . Don't worry old chap , we are back . 

Parents stare down at you sternly , still , from their assigned places on your walls . You really are home . 

Some of your plants have grown , some withered , and some have finally given up the charade of living and are just waiting to be chucked into the dustbin . 

So much like life itself . 

The trees on the outer periphery have burgeoned into giants , and you can no longer see over their tops .

 One of the  dried up plants , has been quickly colonised by an unknown bird , whose tiny , spotted , oval eggs , three of them , rest comfortably in the nest made out of , the dead plant , still rooted in the dried up soil . One life lost and other gained . Or not . The pigeon mother , having made the mistake of laying eggs in my  pot , made a couple of rounds , found us humans milling around in a place , which until recently , was entirely her own space. Finally , decided that her kids could not be saved , and abandoned them to their doom . 

The gas cylinder still hisses faintly , with dark portends , as it is unlocked . Thankfully , there is no odour , and that hissing is dismissed , like many other noises for a figment of my overripe imagination . 

Talking of overripe , an orange , tired of sitting out on the dining table , turned green with rage first , and then the blackness of disappointment took over . That a  hard rotting ball of black fur , could have been a luscious orange at one point of time , is unbelievable . There are residual verdigris , on the brass fruit bowl , very much green . Stubborn at that , it required lot of elbow grease , and cussing power from the maid , to actually scrub out of existence . 

The bedsheets have a resentful layer of fine dust on them . Loyally preserving the creases we left on them in haste . The dripping wet  clothes , thrown upon the stand in haste , have dried like so much unfulfilled promises , to a crisp . 

The furniture is still welcoming and so is the garbage man . He has , however , lost his front two teeth , which make him look very old ,  all of a sudden . 

Then I crossed a very tired and wrinkled visage in the passageway , I stopped , and turned and saw myself in the mirror, staring back at me , almost crossly , unsmiling . 

Art of living

To begin from the beginning , my first encounter with yoga, yogic asanas and meditation was at the behest of a friend at Gorakhpur . 

We , being in the services, were posted to that part of the country , then . This was probably , 2010 or 2011 . 

My friend was "into" Art of Living and she insisted that I try doing the  "Happiness Course " . She had a car , complete with a driver, at her disposal . So , I , tagged along . It was autumn , a few random showers , interspersed with days of stifling humid heat . However, the classes were held , in the cooler evenings , in a large hall , in the backyard of an IPS officer's bungalow . It was dimly lit and sheltered with leafy trees.

We were taught various yogic postures , breathing exercises and certain mind  cleansing  practices. 

All these years later, I still remember the stark effect of "disha pranayam " , which exhorts you to forgive people and instances . Incidents and memories which one has carried inside one's own self , which unresolved , leads to several mental unrests and undesirable physical manifestations . I remember copiously , and ( in my opinion) needlessly crying while doing this . I wonder if it made me a better person , but it certainly lightened the burden on my shoulders . For this , I am eternally grateful to AOL . 

Another , remarkable Yogic practice was Sudarshan kriya . A breathing exercise that is known to have amazing health benefits , including lowering of blood pressure, regulation of breath rate and  slowing down of  heart beat . It has been scientifically proven to have precipitated these positive effects on regular practitioners . 

There are lot of flip side reports in the media about art of living . I guess it is like everything else in life . It depends on what is your take away lesson . 

My personal take away lesson  from the happiness course was to control one's own breath . That is a tiny  action with profound impact on one's life. It takes the edge off anger and other negative emotions . It nullifies stress and promotes harmony .

In the end, I am grateful for the happiness course for having opened my eyes to several basic truths about forgiveness, letting go of one's own ego, and  cultivation of compassion for fellow beings. 

Personally I would recommend happiness course(s) , to growing up kids as well as grown up adults.